I just heard you were going to be doing an interview with Miss Oprah next week. Way to go Lance! How much will she pay you? Never mind. Mom said that was rude to ask. Are you going to tell Oprah the truth about the doping? Bad things happen when you lie…trust me. I have a nose for that kind of thing! In fact, you need to be really careful. It would be hard to stay on your bicycle if you lie too much. You might get your nose caught in the spokes or something!
Mom said you have been taking drugs to help you ride faster. Is that why you won all those races and got famous? Was it worth it? It seems like a good idea to me. If you hadn’t won those races, you wouldn’t be popular and rich. My soccer coach said we needed to do “whatever it takes” to win. I wonder if he will want us to take some of those drugs one day?
Do you think if you tell the truth to Miss Oprah those people will give you back your trophies? They should, you won them fair and square. And Mom said you weren’t the only one who took those drugs. I think they are being mean to you because you won and they didn’t. Everyone knows those guys who ran for president lied in their TV commercials. They didn’t get in any trouble!
I think if you go on TV and tell Miss Oprah the truth you can make it all better. Then maybe they will let you be in a race again soon. Mom thinks you need to apologize to all the people you said bad things about too. Did you tell that guy on your team that he had to take drugs if he wanted to ride with you? I’m glad if you did because he might have made our USA team lose if he had been too slow! That wouldn’t be fair for him not to try as hard as everyone else does.
I have to go to sleep now. I wanted to let you know that I am going to have some friends over to watch your show next week. Mom said she would get us a pizza. I like to tell people you are my uncle. They think it is cool that you are famous. Do you think you could send me some stuff with your autograph? A guy told me that he could sell it on E-Bay and make me a BUNCH of money! Wouldn’t that be awesome?
I just told mom I was already in bed. Now I’ll never get to sleep! It takes hours for my nose to shrink back to size. Just remember to be careful on Miss Oprah’s show. That would be embarrassing if your nose grew while you were on TV! See you soon.